Ase, Maat Hotep. So Mote it Be.

The 7 Reasons Why ‘Space Jam’ Was Totally Realistic

1. Michael’s Secret Stuff employs the placebo effect.

Spoiler alert! “Michael’s Secret Stuff” is just water. And yet, after drinking it, the players on the TuneSquad miraculously transform into a whole new team. How does that happen?

This phenomenon is known as “the placebo effect.” Placebos are basically non-medicinal treatments given to unknowing patients, who will have perceived or actual improvements, solely because they believe they are receiving medicine.

So, when the team drinks Jordan’s “secret stuff,” their brain tricks them into actually experiencing the effects of something special. It’s a metaphor!

2. Falling into the earth happens.

After sinking a hole-in-one, Michael Jordan poses for a celebratory picture, only to be sucked into the hole and into Tune Land. Wait. What?

It’s called a sinkhole. Sinkholes are natural depressions in the Earth’s surface that vary in size and can form gradually or suddenly. And they’re all over the world, so it makes sense that one could happen to be on a golf course.

It’s merely a case of bad luck on Jordan’s part. The depression must have formed the exact moment his hand entered the cup, causing him to be swallowed by the hole.

Trust me: it’s happened before.

Sinkhole in Guatemala.

3. Adding characters to an amusement park is good business.

Mr. Swackhammer’s whole scheme is to capture the Looney Tunes and make them the newest attractions at Moron Mountain. And while his methods might be unconventional and, uh, illegal, that is precisely what a good businessman would do.

In the words of Steve Jobs, “Good artists copy. Great artists steal.” Well, in this case, Mr. Swackhammer is not only copying the idea from Disneyland — he is also quite literally stealing. I guess he’s a bit of an over-achiever.

4. Michael Jordan is a notorious gambler.

During the game, Michael Jordan changes the bet with Mr. Swackhammer to make himself the newest attraction at Moron Mountain, instead of the Loony Tunes, if the TuneSquad loses.

Of course he did that.

Michael Jordan is widely regarded as a bit of a… gambling enthusiast. In fact, some conspiracy theorists believe NBA Commissioner David Stern forced Jordan to take a year off, as punishment for his extreme gambling.

So, it should come as no surprise that His Airness would make a deal like this. He just can’t help himself.

Stacks on stacks

5. A magic ball is nothing new.

To beat the TuneSquad, the aliens steal the talent of Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson, Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues, and Shawn Bradley through the use of a magical ball.

This is nothing new. Magical balls have been around for years!

The snitch. Cool wings, ball.

6. Bill Murray has a history of showing up in unexpected places.

Just as the TuneSquad was in danger of having to forfeit the game, due to numerous injuries, in comes Bill Murray to save the day.

Yeah, we’ve seen that move before. It’s sort of his calling card…

Bill Murray showing up to a kickball game, much to the surprise of everyone in the park.

Bill Murray crashing a party in Phoenix.

Bill Murray performing karaoke with a bunch of strangers.

7. In 1996, nobody could beat Michael Jordan. Not even aliens.

In the 1995-96 season, the Chicago Bulls set an NBA record by finishing the year 72-10 to win their fourth title in six seasons. Jordan also captured the scoring title and all three MVP awards (regular season, All-Star game and the NBA Finals). On top of that, he made the All-Defensive First Team.

In other words, Michael Jordan was invincible the year Space Jam came out.

Sure, this looks unrealistic. But I wouldn’t put it past him.

Taq'uee Hicks, The Peaceful Black Warrior peacefulblackwarrior.com

66 thoughts on “The 7 Reasons Why ‘Space Jam’ Was Totally Realistic

  1. Jose Collins

    Dine with a stranger but save your love for your family. ~ Ethiopian proverb

  2. Kathy Martin

    Never marry a woman who has bigger feet than you. ~ Mozambique proverb

  3. Paul Richardson

    If ten cents does not go out, it does not bring in one thousand dollars. ~ Ghana

  4. Sandra Hayes

    He who doesn’t clean his mouth before breakfast always complains that the food is sour. ~African Proverb

  5. Jimmy Myers

    The hyena with a cub does not consume all the available food. ~Akamba Proverb

  6. Douglas Shaw

    Judge not your beauty by the number of people who look at you, but rather by the number of people who smile at you. ~African Proverb

  7. Anne Wood

    Greatness and beauty do not belong to the gods alone. ~Nigerian Proverb

  8. Christine Green

    If you find “Miss This Year” beautiful, then you’ll find “Miss Next Year” even more so. ~Nigerian Proverb

  9. Rachel Lee

    Pretend you are dead and you will see who really loves you. ~ African proverb

  10. Timothy Ford

    The heart of the wise man lies quiet like limpid water. ~ Cameroon proverb

  11. Richard Rivera

    One person is a thin porridge; two or three people are a lump of ugali. ~Kuria Proverb

  12. Mary Crawford

    One who eats alone cannot discuss the taste of the food with others. ~African Proverb

  13. Pamela Henry

    A spider’s cobweb isn’t only its sleeping spring but also its food trap. ~African Proverb

  14. Sean Owens

    If you watch your pot, your food will not burn. ~Mauritanian, Nigerian, and Niger Proverb

  15. Joshua Boyd

    It is only a stupid cow that rejoices at the prospect of being taken to a beautiful abattoir. ~African Proverb

  16. Jane Sanchez

    Getting only a beautiful woman is like planting a vine on the roadside everyone feeds on it. ~African Proverb

  17. Alan Webb

    When two elephants fight, it is the grass that gets trampled. ~ Swahili saying

  18. Cheryl Ramirez

    The old woman looks after the child to grow its teeth and the young one in turn looks after the old woman when she loses her teeth. ~ Akan (Ghana, Ivory Coast) proverb

  19. Nicholas Flores

    You are beautiful, but learn to work, for you cannot eat your beauty. ~Congolese Proverb

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